We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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