True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
