The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
