OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
