Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
