Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
