i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i drank out of a bidet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
