somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
