I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
