All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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