This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
