Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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