He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
