smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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