Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize