Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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