Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
