i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
