You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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