standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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