awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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