Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
