A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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