The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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