Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
