that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
