Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
