dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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