That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
