I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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