Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
