as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Panties = found
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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