I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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