Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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