The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
