Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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