The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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