Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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