she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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