I could have mohawked her pubes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
