he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
