I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
