I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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