I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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