his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
