If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
