Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize