he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
