hotel room ftw
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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