We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
