So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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