Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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