It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize