We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
