shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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