I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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