when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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