I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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