and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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