I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
