If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
