go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
