My first STD was from a foam party
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize