Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
