Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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