32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
